Open Letter to Santa Claus

St. Nicholas of Mira, aka “Santa Clause”

1 North Pole Drive

North Pole

Dear Santa:

Hi, Santa, this is Jim.  I know it’s been a while since I wrote to you.  I think the last time was when I was 7.  Anyway, as you probably know, I’m now 31-years-old and have two young children under two.  They’re the reason I’m writing you—I just wanted to let you know to not to expect them to write to you.  Ever.

This is because my wife and I have decided to not tell our two children (and any others who come along) about you.  Oh, sure, they’ll hear about you—our society is so Santa saturated that there will be no stopping that—but it won’t be from us. 

We decided to buck tradition and do this mainly because you aren’t who you used to be.  At the beginning of your career, you were a saint, a philanthropist, and something of an ascetic (you gave away your entire fortune, after all).  Now you’re a morbidly obese symbol of excess and a conduit of greed. 

As we see it, this has three main effects.  First of all, you are no longer helping us parent our children.  While once Santa gave presents only to good little boys and girls (thus giving all boys and girls incentive to be good) now it seems you give presents to everyone.  Were there any children who actually received coal last year? 

Changing from disciplinarian to the King of Handouts would be fine, of course, if you didn’t keep up the pretense of checking the list twice.  By pretending to be discriminate, then giving gifts regardless, you teach children that any behavior is acceptable. 

Second, by concentrating so much on stuff you encourage a materialism that doesn’t fully end when the holidays do.  Kids learn that the stuff one gets is directly correlated to how much one is loves.  Once again, this would be fine if you were honest and upfront about it.  Instead, however, you attach this materialism, leech-like, to a Christian holiday that has “peace on earth” and “good will toward men” as mottos.  If we want to have another material holiday, we’ll ask Hallmark. 

Third, you’ve started to act the usurper.  Instead of Christmas being about Christ, the majority of our time and efforts during the holidays are spent on material and secular things.  As before, this would be fine if there weren’t the shallow façade of religiosity that can prevent people from ever learning about the sublime story of the Nativity.

Granted, Christmas has never been solely a liturgical affair, but the birth of our Lord certainly deserves more mention than you do.  You’ve sold out—whereas you once gave dowries to three young women so they wouldn’t have to make money in a brothel, now you’ve whored yourself to sell Coca-Cola. 

Don’t get me wrong—you mean well, but you know just as well as I do where the road paved with good intentions goes.  You want the best for children—you want them to be happy, and seeing a child like the one below crying because he didn’t get anything breaks your heart. 

But in the end, it doesn’t help children if you give them everything they want or if you make them happy all of the time.  The whole point of growing up is for children to learn how to moderate their emotions and their desires, how to act in socially acceptable ways, and how to master themselves. 

Thus my challenge to you would be to actually give out coal this year—at least to those children who need it.  But whether you do or not, I know my children will get coal when they deserve it, and they’ll be the better for it. 

Sincerely,

Jim